How to … effectively nanomanage?

March 7, 2007 § Leave a comment

Dear Rick,

I had some great fun with the just released issue of your newsletter. We all need to practice on ourselves and with our families first, right? So I took your list and translated it to what it would take to be/have a nanohusband.

Here’s a little catalog of what it takes to be a nanomanager.

  • Has open door policy, but the door in question is yours.

Sex

  • For any task, specifies precisely how and by-when.

“I want my dinner on the table at six when I come home! What? Brussels sprouts … yuk … again!?”

  • When you can’t do the how or you miss the by-when for a task, determines the how and the by-when of determining the new how and the new by-when.

When woman ran late because of having to pick up kids from other end of town and subsequently didn’t have dinner on the table at six. “Now! I told you I want my dinner on the table when I get home. Don’t you have any ears? … get back in here … don’t you walk away on me when I am speaking to you!”

  • Does the things you’re supposed to do, but still insists that you do them too.

Checks the household bookkeeping down to the last penny, making sure there will be enough monies for boy gadgets too. For all his hard work, of course, he is entitled to that!

  • Is too busy doing your job to pay any attention to own job.

That leaky place in the roof is still not repaired after a promise made 2 years ago. It has rotted a room’s floor

  • Can’t tolerate incompetent subordinates.

“I want my dinner on the table at six when I come home!”

  • Can’t tolerate competent subordinates.

Woman managed to put dinner on table at six, despite having had to pick up the kids at five. Husband’s response? “What? Carrots … yuk … again!?”

  • Demands the impossible.

Guarding the financing of boy gadgets and beer there won’t be any extra monies for calling in repair men, then says, “Stop asking me about the leaky roof!”

  • Is clueless about difference between what’s possible and what’s not.

Does not seem to understand that if a woman is to pick up the kids at five on the other end of town, and she cannot travel that distance within an hour, she cannot have dinner on the table at six.

  • Doesn’t understand — and therefore rejects — all explanations of why the impossible is impossible.

“I don’t care about your irrelevant car adventures today! I told you I want my dinner on the table when I get home. Don’t you have any ears? … get back in here … don’t you walk away on me when I am speaking to you!”

  • Blames subordinates for all failures.

“If you would get better at managing the household finances, and wouldn’t keep harassing me about that leaky roof, I may actually have some time to do something about it”

  • Claims responsibility for all successes.

“Our household runs smooth because I am directing the bookkeeping and setting the pace of things.”

  • Sees no need to recognize contributions of subordinates, since there aren’t any.

“Dinner is on the table at six because I want my dinner at six and made that very clear”

  • Makes Captain Queeg and Captain Bligh look like management geniuses.

  • Has fingers in everything, but has no idea where anything stands.

Sex

  • Demands next status report before previous status report is completed.

Asking on thursday, “Where is the household bookkeeping you set up for next week?”

  • Claims all assignments are clear and unambiguous.

Don’t you have ears? I told you I want my dinner on the table at six. What? Green Beans … yuk … again!?”

  • Won’t supply clear answers to questions about ambiguous assignments.

“As long as it’s not Asparagus!” Next day: “What? Spinach … yuk … again!?”

  • Corrects the way you ask clarifying questions about ambiguous assignments.

“You can make yourself more effective at actually finding out what vegetables people prefer, if you would take that irritated tone out of your voice.” Then stomps off.

  • Has said, “I don’t like surprises,” but gets obvious thrills from surprising subordinates.

“What? Brinjal? … some kind of Asian vegetable? … yuk … you know I don’t like foreign vegetables!”

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