Coaching is easy *cough*

As we begin to see our fixation traps and move around wheels with joy and beauty, we will gain more clarity and insight into the philosophical and belief systems that give our life meaning and purpose. We will realize how our constant planning and procrastination, emotional freezes, confusion, gullability and placating, panic responses and the like have been the results of fears of success and failure, and that disappointments are a result of these projections.

We start to dump all our belief systems except one – “The best belief system is no belief system!”, as I exclaimed during my Sweet Medicine Wheel vision quest several years ago … I understand that choices I have made in the past were what I could muster at the time, and so let go of residual guilt, blame, and shame. Sacred medicine means always to choose the greatest knowledge and pleasure and accept responsibility for those choices. The message is:

“Don’t believe in anything; know the Everything”

As I was struggling for words on what I have learned in the past few years I found “The Top 6 Mistakes Coaches Make [and their solutions]“, Posted on Jan 30th, 2008 by Jason. I couldn’t have worded it any better. Thank you, Jason.

And here are my side notes to those, and how I understand my choices in the light of learning to become a more effective coach:

A Lack of Integral Thinking: “Money and Spirituality are in Conflict”

While there was a a time when one could only profit by exploitation and manipulation or by inheritance or plunder, this has not been accurate for nearly 300 years.

While I believe this to be true, that one can also profit without exploitation and manipulation, a lot of people still do that, make a profit by exploitation and manipulation. That others still do, does not stop me from not doing it. And fighting others that do, would be a waste of my time and energy.

I despise interest, and I dislike “tithing” (so I tried redefining it). Both, interest schemes as well as tithing, require people to believe in there being some long term gain if they just believe! As a life coach it is my job to help you believe in you, in yourself, and your values. I don’t have to believe your values. I believe in mine, and you believe in yours.  And even when I don’t believe in your values, I do believe that you came with and have good intentions.

I do not get paid for your “salvation” or a guarantee to “eternal afterlife”. What I get paid for is helping you remove what blocks you, so you can investigate and re-assess your values yourself, and you can become effective at whatever it is you are here for. And I am darn good at navigating that.

Lack of Skill: Sales and Marketing

You must gain those skills if you want to make a difference and be prosperous.

While it may be hard to swallow at first [took me years to accept] you must be a sales person first–that is you must be able to enroll others in a vision–to live your purpose and prosper.

That is something I wasn’t so good in. I am getting better at marketing. After I discovered that sales and marketing is facilitation, I felt quite good about it too. It is about relationships, making connections, having interactions, thoughtful responses, having and sharing new ideas, “social internetworking“, beautiful wordings, … Basically, it is about dancing all levels of being-in-dreaming. In fact, it is pretty much like star dancing. It is fun and quite exciting, and it makes me push the edge.

And it is about making many, many more mistakes. Whatever, at least it is not boring! And perhaps one day, when I am really good at this application of star dancing for myself, I can add it to my list of things I can coach people for.

Error in Structure: Service, Sustainability, and Packages

The point is that if you truly want to be of service to your clients, you will develop a phased program so that they finally make a deep commitment to themselves–and they finally achieve that elusive transformation–mentally, emotionally, and perhaps spiritually, they have been looking for for years.

Okay. Good point. Gotta do that. A phased program. My recent client-to-be-in-France would probably be helped by that too, as he wants me to coach him and needs a good proposal. There is no better way to develop any focused phased programme than on a real coaching gig with someone that really desires to travel all the levels and become an excellent star dancer too.

Mistake: Having only 1 stream of prospects

Solution:

• Formalized referral systems [two of them]
• Speaking engagements and presentations
• Word of mouth

The two formalized referral systems?

• An affiliate program with a percentage or fee for referrals
• Write a referral clause into your client contract–requiring two if the client is happy with your services. While you do not want to be heavy handed about this, it does set their intention and focus their awareness on a more formal approach to referrals

Thank you, Jason. This is excellent advice. Gonna work on that immediately.

Mistake: Failure to leverage contact points and the opportunity they hold

Do not give “free initial coaching sessions”.

That goes for group facilitation too. This is a mistake I made many years ago facilitating a retrospective, and I have had the effects for years, of giving free facilitation. I have taken responsibility for my mistake only last year when declining to co-organize a big event for free with some of the same people I facilitated the retrospective for, and have been repeating my “no” to giving free life coaching sessions and facilitation services any further ever since. It was fun, and good experience, and from now on forward, I’d like to exchange more explicitly. Lucky for me, that is what they wish too.

Still, it was a very useful “mistake”, though I do not wish to repeat it. There were some things that I was still doubtful about I had it covered for myself well enough to safely coach it. Satir based coaching, Druidry and SMW stuff all travel on all levels and you have to be an excellent star dancer to navigate coaching it. Not getting paid, I felt more free to explore new discoveries.

A trap one can easily fall into when still doubtful, is trying to over-achieve or under-achieve as coach, or as consultant for that matter. When I was in Amsterdam last, I met up with some old acquaintances. One of them walked me to the train station, and told me about his new consulting gig in Germany. He was worried about the high pay. I told him that, “If he worried about whether he was worth it, he was more busy with himself and what this money would be worth in terms of what he should be able to provide for his customer than with actually serving his customer. If you can focus on your customer, and do the best you can, you are worth that money.” AND, you always gain because everything is interconvertible. The question is, where is the gain we apparently aimed for?

I could not have told him that, without my experiences with my earlier mistakes. So my mistake was all worth it. And the book closes on that one for me, and it opens on being able to coach doubtful people.

When a client sends you an email raving about your contribution–or when they acknowledge you verbally communicating the difference you have made for them–ask them if you can quote them. Turn that acknowledgment into a testimonial for your marketing materials.

I did, I did, I did! Have a look here (bottom of page). Aren’t they marvellous? I earned every darn one of them. I am really proud of me and my work!

Mistake: Considering Your Service a Commodity

There is a reason I do not publish my rates.

My services are not a commodity on the shelf to be price-shopped. And no one else does what I do, really.

How true. That goes for coaching. For workshops and group facilitation that is somewhat different, though the basic stance of providing value for a really insignificant price must be there.

I recently wrote to two colleagues, Agile coaches in IT – when doing a perfection game on a first version brochure by their hands:

In Dutch (the original):

Het me duidelijk dat jullie je product kennen, er gepassioneerd mee bezig zijn, en erin geloven. Deze producten verbeteren hun (werk)leven, en jullie doen ze een groot plezier door ze aan te bieden tegen deze prijzen.

Translated to english:

It is clear to me that you know your product, are passionate about it, and believe in it. These products will improve your customers (work)life and you are doing them a favor by offering them for these prices.

I guess there is at least one more: “Healing” that which you need to resolve in your self and in your own life by healing others

If you are a relationship coach – have a great relationship. If you are a coach around self-esteem, have a well developed ego [in the positive and healthy sense]. If you are an addict who is still smoking, drinking, or doing drugs, do not counsel others on that. Do not look to heal your wounds through the wounds of others. There is a danger of projection, and even more so – how can you charge someone to solve something you have been unable to demonstrate as being solved in your own life?

Thank the Gods, I didn’t make that mistake. I strongly believe in Walking Talk and Talking Walk, and don’t work with people that do not even try. When that happens I invoke the Law of Two Feet.